Candidly Speaking - 13/05/22

Some Life Updates

I intended this week to write an essay concerning abortion and the matter of life, given the controversy brewing in the US. However, I decided that it may not be a good time, since the last thing I wish to do is to contribute to the heated debate. Plus, life has become busy for me over the past week or two, and I have to make significant changes to my schedule. Thus, I will do my best to keep up with the weekly updates, and keep the podcast running. It has been a pleasure!

• I am taking driving lessons at the moment. It has been strenuous. I have never driven a car and I have never liked it. Every time I think of driving, I am reminded of the scene in Annie Hall, where Christopher Walken relays to Woody Allen his bizarre scenario of driving into oncoming traffic. Another scene comes to mind also - of Woody Allen’s awkward encounter with the traffic cop upon crashing his car: “I have a terrific problem with authority.” The practice site is all the way across town, and I have to wake up early in order to catch the bus. The driving instructor was nice enough, but he does give me some tongue-lashing from time to time. I am supposed to take my exam next month, so it’s his way of rushing me. Worst of all, I have to contend with the scorching heat of Hanoi in the summer. It’s hot, and wet, and sweaty, like a scene in a Tennessee Williams play. Thankfully, after the exam, once I get my driving license, I won’t have to touch a steering wheel again for a long time. Wish me luck!

• I am starting my German classes, since I am studying in Austria this Fall. I am excited about the prospect, although I find it a bit daunting. The visa procedure, the search for housing, the multiple projects at home I need to finish before I go. I plan to get there this August, so chances are when the time comes, I may have to put a hold on the podcast for a few weeks or more. Plus, I have to move some of the stuff I left in storage in Canada over to my aunt’s house, who lives in Hungary. The coordination process has been a killer. I do have a friend who lives in Canada, and I have been asking him to manage those for me. They are my books, films, and records, along with an assortment of furniture and knick-knacks. I only intend to take a portion of those - the rest I have to give away, since I do not want to incur sky-high shipping fees. I am thankful for all the help I can get, but the experience has genuinely tested me.

• I have been reading C.S. Lewis’s Mere Christianity. I did not grow up with his Narnia books, but ever since I immersed myself in the Catholic faith, I have been seeking out his Christian apologetic texts. I began with Mere Christianity, which is a surprisingly erudite book about the significance of the faith. Sometimes in life, if you are a voracious reader like myself, you stumble upon an author of great brilliance and significance, that you feel as if you were a California prospector and you discovered a gold mine. I have had the experience before, with the great social scientist Thomas Sowell. And with C.S. Lewis, the experience is similar.

• I have been listening to Eminem again lately. The man was a hero in my adolescent years, who lends his voice to multiple angry, lonely, maladjusted young teenage boys across the globe. As I grow up, I listen to some of his songs with more critical ears (say for example, “Kim”). He has produced many bad songs, but the good ones are genuinely resonating, even after all these years. One of them is “Beautiful”, from his 2009 album Relapse. It is a magnificent three-verse piece about the rapper’s rise and fall from grace, and as a high school loner, I pictured myself listening to this song as I walk across the school hall wearing a hoodie, eyes staring at my feet:

  I think I'm startin' to lose my sense of humor
  Everything's so tense and gloom
  I almost feel like I gotta check the temperature
  Of the room, just as soon as
  I walk in, it's like all eyes on me
  So I try to avoid any eye contact
  'Cause if I do that, then it opens a door
  For conversation like I want that
  I'm not lookin' for extra attention
  I just wanna be just like you
  Blend in with the rest of the room
  Maybe just point me to the closest restroom

  Listening to these words, I am reassured somehow: You are alone in this world most of the time, and that’s okay.